I’ve talked about it many times—love sent across the miles, letter-writing, being away from the people I love. . .and that seems to be the norm for me. While I do consider myself a social person, the only real evidence of this is via my social media connections, paper letters sent through the mail and the occasional email (to people other than PR reps). Generally, I don’t mind spending time alone at home, and mostly communicating virtually (so-to-speak), though I do miss people when I can’t see them in person or hear their voices. I’d like to connect with more people, especially my readers and fellow bloggers. If you have a blog you’d like me to check out, or would like to connect in some other way, please leave me a comment.
“I’ve seen you, I know you, but I don’t know how to connect. . .well this is an invitation, It’s not a threat. If you want communication, that’s what you get. I’m talking and talking but I don’t know how to connect. . .”
– The Cardigans, Communication
Lessons learned
Friends and family are in your heart, and no matter the distance, if the feelings are true, it doesn’t matter. I count my pen pals—people I have never met, from around the world, who I only know through letters and possibly online a bit as well—as some of my closest friends.
Circumstances change, and people may become disinterested. Long distance friendships don’t work for everyone. People I would have considered friends if we’d been living in the same city have become people I used to know/acquaintances. Physical distance can certainly make you feel like you’re alone with no one to turn to/talk to. I definitely know that feeling. But, one of my best friends, who I actually became good friends with after I left and moved away (because sometimes I’m not good at realizing people want to be my friend, and I was too fixated with moving that I didn’t take advantage of what was in front of me), said it well: “you are never truly alone, merely physically apart from people.”
Some friendships are worth fighting for, but others aren’t. If the only thing you have in common with someone is that you work at the same place and mutually enjoy talking about how much you hate your job, there might be a chance that your relationship will not last after you leave the job, or move away. That isn’t to say it isn’t possible, though. I tried for a long time to keep in touch with people I used to know in Calgary, but they were just that—people I used to know. Giving up on something that never really was may provide some relief. People grow apart, sometimes friendships just end and people go their separate ways. This is different from not contacting someone because you’re waiting for them to get in touch with you. Friendship works both ways. If you miss someone, get in touch with them—if it’s just seeming one-sided, you’ll have to choose whether or not it’s worth it to you.
You make your own family
I was reading Maria Killam’s blog Colour Me Happy the other day and was moved by what she wrote in this post about how she mainly has online friends/acquaintances, and that her mom and sister are her best friends. I, like many of her readers who commented, think that if you can count two people in the world as ones who understand you and love you, that is pretty lucky. I feel like there are two people in my life who do so as well, but I can’t say that I am able to count any member of my family in that short list.
My point, really, is that people who are not biologically related to you can come to feel like family, and that’s really nothing to sneeze at. A quote I’ve often heard is “friends are those with whom you can be yourself.” That speaks to exactly how I feel about the most important people in my life, but not to all of my biological family.
Love is nothing like they say
Yes, like Liz Phair says: “love is nothing, nothing, nothing like they say. You gotta pick up the little pieces everyday.” Love and friendship need to be worked on. Is that obvious, though? What happens when you move away or no longer work at the same place? My goal is to work on my friendships/potential friendships. It’s a goal if you write something down, right?
LOVE THIS!!! You are so very true! I have learned over the years to hang on to those good relationships you have along the way, because they are hard to come by.
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Absolutely, but sometimes at the time it's hard to realize how rare and special those good relationships are.
Great post. Those have been some hard lessons to learn… since leaving college friends and having high school friends move away, friendships have come and gone. Those long-distance ones that have faded were hard to accept at first… but you're right, circumstances change and some are worth fighting for, but others aren't! <3
It's definitely hard to accept that some friendships which seemed strong have now faded. At times they come back in a different way later on, I've found.
This is so very true! Through life, it has been hard to see my true friends but the ones I have, I know are my best friends! CHERISH THE TRUE RELATIONSHIPS!
For sure – sometimes it's hard not to take things for granted but I definitely know that true friendships are few and far between – and should certainly be cherished!
Great post! Really touches a lot on what I've been talking about with my best friend. I certainly do cherish her.
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Love love love this! Especially – some friendships are worth fighting for and some just aren't. Somethings / people are worth fighting for and others just aren't.
Definitely a lesson learned! Sometimes, no matter how much you want to hold on to something/someone, it just isn't meant to be.
I agree totally…I haven't had the time to see my friends as much anymore, yet the ones that reach out still and send me special messages every now and then. I treasure them dearly and try as much as I can to keep it alive.
It's definitely easier to to know who your treasured friends are when they reach out to you – and it isn't just one-sided, even if it isn't something regular or consistent. It's always nice to know someone you care about is thinking of you!
you have a lovely blog and I agree totally with your post. I stay home with the kids now so it seems my only communication with someone older than 9 most days is via the internet!
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That can be really tough, I'm sure. Most days I only talk to customers over the phone at work. If I have the day off, it's possible I won't talk to anyone for the whole day.
Beautiful sentiments
Love your post and thanks for the mention! x Maria
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Thanks Maria! I was inspired!